THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE LIQUOR STORE chronicles what happens when a little girl who scorns the idea of marriage and children (in favor of becoming a stiletto-wearing, attache-carrying Secret Agent), majors in Russian, minors in Vodka, and then one day finds herself with child… and in-laws. "Empty bladder before reading." -Laurie Notaro, WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE PRETTIER

This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store: Unapologetic Admissions from a Non-Contender for Mother of the Year

Humor & Entertainment

Turner, A.K.

Humor

Fever Streak Press

In the hilarious sequel to the bestselling "momoir" This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, A.K. Turner returns with the mayhem of motherhood. From preschoolers blurting obscenities in public places to living with her in-laws in Mexico, Mommy Had a Little Flask delivers a delightfully raw and honest account of family life in Turner's latest laugh-out-loud confessional.Praise for A.K. Turner"It's rare for a writer to actually make me laugh out loud, but A.K. Turner does just that." -Robin O'Bryant, author of Ketchup is a Vegetable &amp; Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves"I laughed out loud at Mommy Had a Little Flask, but make no mistake, this book is equally heartfelt and humorous as A.K. Turner delves into all the wonders, challenges and horrifying playground moments of parenting--the most extreme sport there is." -Cameron Morfit, Sports Illustrated"Empty bladder before reading." -Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club."Witty, honest and funny as hell. Fans of This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store are guaranteed to have another great time." -Holand Peterson, author of the Eville seriesThis Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store "candidly reveals and revels in the flaws and dysfunctions of the author and her family. Turner is not afraid to voice her private thoughts and never takes herself too seriously... refreshingly honest." -Publishers Weekly "Did Erma Bombeck ever guzzle vodka? If she did, she might have come close to the ribald domestic humor in Turner's "momoir" This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store." -The Quivering Pen"The perfect cross between Nora Ephron, David Sedaris, and Chelsea Handler." -Elaine Ambrose, Menopause Sucks."If laughing at ourselves is the best medicine, then reading A.K. Turner will ensure you live long enough to drive your own kids crazy."-Stacy Dymalski, comedienne and author of Confessions of a Band Geek Mom

Mommy Had a Little Flask (The Tales of Imperfection Series)

Have you ever felt like you needed some time alone? Maybe a little time to yourself?
Then pick up a copy of the second volume in the New York Times bestselling I Just Want to Pee Alone series! 
Don't get us wrong, we love the men in our lives – we do (most of the time). It's just that sometimes we would like them to go away. Not forever or anything like that. Just for an hour … or a day … or a weekend. 
We want some time to ourselves to read a good book or take a walk or do anything other than try to make a dent in the never ending mound of dirty clothes that keeps piling up on his side of the bed. 
We just want to be alone. All alone. 
Is that too much to ask? 
I Just Want to Be Alone is a collection of humorous essays from 37 of the most Super Cool Lady Writers you'll find on the web. 
Including: 
<ul>
<li>People I Want to Punch in the Throat</li>
<li> Baby Sideburns</li>
<li>AK Turner </li>
<li>My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream</li>
<li>Bad Parenting Moments. </li>
</ul>
Read hilarious essays like:
<ul>
<li>Open Letter To My Son (Or: Your Mother’s Top 10 List of Ways Not to Be a Douchebag Husband)</li>
<li>Exploding With Love, Literally</li>
<li>Romance is Overrated</li>
<li>Life With the Thin Guy</li>
<li>Dear Magnolia, Should I Marry This Man?</li>
</ul>

I Just Want to Be Alone (I Just Want to Pee Alone)

Shaw, Nicole Leigh

Gallagher, Rebecca

Forde, Kim

Bongiorno, Kim

Thies, Bethany

People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Jen of

Lori Wescott

Alpert, Karen

Shirtliffe, Leanne

Heugel, Abby

Hatton, Stacey

Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, Andrea of

Welling, Robyn

Newman, Michelle

Reese, Heather

Ripkin, Magnolia

Glow, Kathy

Life on Peanut Layne, Kristen of

Funny Is Family, Amy of

Fleet, Suzanne

Knepper, Nicole

D’Apice, Raquel

@throat_punch books

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY STARRED REVIEW: The third book in the Tales of Imperfection series from Turner (This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, Mommy Had a Little Flask), a mother of two from Idaho, provides another hilarious account of parenthood. A self-admitted neat freak, the author details the important distinctions between paper towels and dishcloths, and wishes she could "conduct a class highlighting these differences and then create a test with various scenarios." Also a lover of travel, she signs up for HomeExchange.com - a house-swapping service - in hopes of a family holiday to an exotic locale, while pondering the headline "Idaho: Just Like New York, Only Different." With her characteristic good-spirited, self-deprecating humor, Turner describes taking her kids to a children's art camp on the Jersey Shore and surviving a back-to-school night "ice cream unsocial." Well paced, entertaining, and full of endearing stories on parenting, this new addition to Turner's popular series will leave readers looking forward to the next installment. BOOK DESCRIPTION: In the latest laugh-out-loud confessional from A.K. Turner’s "Tales of Imperfection” series, the author relates her adventures on the Jersey Shore, at an Idaho drag show with her in-laws, and surviving the perils of an elementary school ice-cream social with equal parts wit and heart. The laughter pairs well with two parts cocktail. “Empty bladder before reading.” —Laurie Notaro, New York Times bestselling author of The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club “It’s rare for a writer to actually make me laugh out loud, but A.K. Turner does just that.” —Robin O'Bryant, New York Times bestselling author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “I laughed out loud at Mommy Had a Little Flask, but make no mistake, this book is equally heartfelt and humorous as A.K. Turner delves into all the wonders, challenges and horrifying playground moments of parenting – the most extreme sport there is.” —Cameron Morfit, Sports Illustrated “A.K. Turner is always hilarious, and she doesn’t disappoint.” —Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat “The thing that I can’t get over with A.K. Turner is that she is endlessly fresh. Funny, always, but fresh, sweet funny that keeps me coming back again and again...and craving more. Always can’t wait to read her latest.” —Meredith Spidel, The Mom of the Year “A.K. Turner can turn even the simplest family story into a rollicking, outrageous, hilarious adventure. Buckle up!” —Michelle Newman, You’re My Favorite Today, contributor to the bestselling humor anthologies I Just Want to Pee Alone and I Just Want to Be Alone, and Community Contributor at Entertainment Weekly “A.K. Turner is the best friend that we dream of having: someone who is smart and eloquent and doesn’t take herself or her life too seriously. That is what makes all of her books so fabulous, you can’t help but envision yourself right alongside of her, cheering her on, laughing out loud and thanking your lucky stars that you have her in your life.” —Lynn Morrison, The Nomad Mom Diary, Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Bloggers, Circle of Moms Top 25 European Bloggers, and contributor to BLUNTmoms and The Huffington Post “A.K. Turner’s writing manages to be both hilarious and heartfelt at the same time. When I read her words, I find myself laughing to the point of tears one minute and then crying real tears the next. It’s writing that makes you feel something. Something real and deep and honest. Which is how writing should be.” —Deva Dalporto, My Life Suckers

Hair of the Corn Dog (The Tales of Imperfection Series)

Case Sensitive: A gripping forensic mystery set in Camden (3) (Cassie Raven Series)

Literature & Fiction

Genre Fiction

ZAFFRE

Silent Witness meets Line of Duty in this intriguing forensic thriller / police procedural crossover series set in Camden.

Dead Fall

Mystery, Thriller & Suspense

Mystery

'Spellbinding storytelling' Val McDermid 
'A first-rate crime novel . . . I loved it' Elly Griffiths 
'One of the best series openers I've read in years' Jane Casey\nFor fans of Tess Gerritsen and Kathy Reichs comes a gripping debut thriller introducing Camden's most exciting new forensic investigator.\nCassie Raven believes the dead can talk. We just need to listen . . .\nPeople think being a mortuary technician is a seriously weird job. They can't understand why I choose to cut up dead bodies for a living. But they don't know what I know:\nThe dead want to tell us what happened to them.\nI've eviscerated thousands of bodies, but never someone I know before - someone who meant a lot to me; someone I loved.\nThe pathologist says that her death was an accident.\nHer body is telling me differently.\nPraise for Body Language:\n'Blackly humorous, with a fabulously one-of-a-kind protagonist' Heat Magazine\n'Ingenious and sardonically written' Financial Times\n'[A] gritty novel with an engaging heroine' Sunday Times\n'A terrific, well-placed plot' Spectator\n'Cassie Raven is a lot of fun to spend time with' Big Issue\n'Excellent fun, compulsive and Cassie Raven is a protagonist I want to meet again soon' James Oswald\n'Cassie Raven is a blast of fresh air, striding onto the crime scene like a punk superstar' Sarah Hilary\n'Move over Silent Witness - Cassie Raven is an utterly compelling contemporary forensic heroine' Isabelle Grey\n'A fresh and exciting new series' Claire McGowan\n'I loved it. It was awesome! Dark humour and gore galore - Cassie Raven is my new favourite character . . . it was like Silent Witness, but much more believable' Susi Holliday

Body Language: The must-read forensic mystery set in Camden Town (Cassie Raven Series)

Contemporary

SUNDAY TIMES' CRIME BOOK OF THE MONTH - 'SUPERB' JOAN SMITH, SUNDAY TIMES\n'I LOVE THIS SERIES!' ELLY GRIFFITHS 
'ENGROSSING, SHARP, UTTERLY ORIGINAL' TAMMY COHEN 
'A MUST-READ SERIES' JAMES OSWALD 
'WARM, ENGAGING AND ORIGINAL' MARI HANNAH 
'AN ENGROSSING AND INTRIGUING READ' FAITH MARTIN 
'TWISTY AND TREMENDOUS' MARA TIMON\nCamden mortuary technician Cassie Raven returns to solve another ingenious forensic mystery. Perfect for fans of Tess Gerritsen, Patricia Cornwell and Kathy Reichs.\nMortuary technician Cassie Raven believes the last thoughts of the dead linger like static in the air...\nCassie has always had a strange affinity with death, ever since her parents were killed in a car crash when she was four. At least that's what she grew up believing...\nBut that was a lie. Cassie's father is alive. He was convicted of murdering her mother and spent years behind bars. Now he's out - and he's looking for her.\nHe swears he didn't do it. And Cassie wants to believe him.\nTo find the truth, she must turn detective. As she seeks answers, help is to be found in inexplicable places - for the dead are ready to talk.\nPRAISE FOR THE CASSIE RAVEN SERIES: 
'Spellbinding storytelling' Val McDermid 
'Like Silent Witness but more believable' Susi Holliday 
'Blackly humorous, with a fabulously one-of-a-kind protagonist' Heat Magazine 
'[A] gritty novel with an engaging heroine' Sunday Times 
'Ingenious and sardonically written' Financial Times 
'Cassie Raven is an utterly compelling contemporary forensic heroine' Isabelle Grey 
'A fresh and exciting new series' Claire McGowan 
'One of the best series openers I've read in years' Jane Casey 
'Cassie Raven is a blast of fresh air, striding onto the crime scene like a punk superstar' Sarah Hilary

Life Sentence: An intriguing new case for Camden forensic sleuth Cassie Raven (Cassie Raven Series)

Celle qui parle aux morts

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Books by Turner, A.K.