All losses are touched with ambiguity. Yet those who suffer losses without finality bear a particular burden.
Pauline Boss, the principal theorist of the concept of ambiguous loss, guides clinicians in the task of building resilience in clients who face the trauma of loss without resolution. Boss describes a concrete therapeutic approach that is at once directive and open to the complex contexts in which people find meaning and discover hope in the face of ambiguous losses. In Part I readers are introduced to the concept of ambiguous loss and shown how such losses relate to concepts of the family, definitions of trauma, and capacities for resilience. In Part II Boss leads readers through the various aspects of and target points for working with those suffering ambiguous loss. From meaning to mastery, identity to ambivalence, attachment to hope–these chapters cover key states of mind for those undergoing ambiguous loss. The Epilogue addresses the therapist directly and his or her own ambiguous losses. Closing the circle of the therapeutic process, Boss shows therapists how fundamental their own experiences of loss are to their own clinical work.
In Loss, Trauma, and Resilience, Boss provides the therapeutic insight and wisdom that aids mental health professionals in not "going for closure," but rather building strength and acceptance of ambiguity. What readers will find is a concrete therapeutic approach that is at once directive and open to the complex contexts in which people find meaning and discover hope in the face of ambiguous losses.

Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work With Ambiguous Loss

Self-Help

Boss, Pauline

Death & Grief

W.W.Norton&Company

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer's patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss?
In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Boss suggests strategies that can cushion the pain and help families come to terms with their grief. Her work features the heartening narratives of those who cope with ambiguous loss and manage to leave their sadness behind, including those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, chronic mental illness, and brain injury. With its message of hope, this eloquent book offers guidance and understanding to those struggling to regain their lives.

Parenting & Relationships

Harvard University Press

When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer's patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss? 
 In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on. Drawing on her research and clinical experience, Boss suggests strategies that can cushion the pain and help families come to terms with their grief. Her work features the heartening narratives of those who cope with ambiguous loss and manage to leave their sadness behind, including those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, chronic mental illness, and brain injury. With its message of hope, this eloquent book offers guidance and understanding to those struggling to regain their lives.

Relationships

Research-based advice for people who care for someone with dementiaNearly half of U.S. citizens over the age of 85 are suffering from some kind of dementia and require care. Loving Someone Who Has Dementia is a new kind of caregiving book. It's not about the usual techniques, but about how to manage on-going stress and grief. The book is for caregivers, family members, friends, neighbors as well as educators and professionals—anyone touched by the epidemic of dementia. Dr. Boss helps caregivers find hope in "ambiguous loss"—having a loved one both here and not here, physically present but psychologically absent.
<ul>
<li>Outlines seven guidelines to stay resilient while caring for someone who has dementia </li>
<li>Discusses the meaning of relationships with individuals who are cognitively impaired and no longer as they used to be </li>
<li>Offers approaches to understand and cope with the emotional strain of care-giving</li>
</ul>
Boss's book builds on research and clinical experience, yet the material is presented as a conversation. She shows you a way to embrace rather than resist the ambiguity in your relationship with someone who has dementia. Q&amp;A with the Author Author Pauline Boss What is meant by the term "ambiguous loss"? Ambiguous loss is simply an unclear loss. It is a term I coined in the 1970's to label the all too common experience of having a loved one disappear without evidence of whereabouts or being dead or alive. Such disappearance can be physical, as in the case of a loved one gone missing, or psychological, as in the case of dementia when memory and emotion fade away. Ambiguous loss ruptures meaning, that is, it is immensely distressing to make sense of this kind of loss. In order to cope one has to know what the problem is, so I gave it a name—ambiguous loss. Knowing what the problem is the first step to managing it. In the case of dementia, the ambiguity will likely not lessen, but in this book, I tell you how to increase your tolerance for it. How did you come to be interested in the concept of ambiguous loss? I came to be interested in the idea of ambiguous loss early in my life—living in a Swiss immigrant community where everyone seemed to be pining for the homeland across the sea. I grew up living with a Swiss grandmother (maternal) and a father, both of whom were homesick for the families they left behind. In our farm home in New Glarus, Wisconsin, she was the oldest and I the youngest, so we spent a lot of time together, doing the lesser tasks such as setting the table and shucking peas. Later on, that grandmother, Elsbeth Hammerlie-Elmer, to whom I dedicate this book, suffered from what was then called senile dementia. I felt I lost her in yet another way. She, like my father, was often dreaming of another family across the sea, and now she had dementia on top of the melancholy of homesickness. Because I lived with ambiguous loss, I became curious early in my life about the mystery of loved ones being gone psychologically. My favorite radio program back then was, “Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons.” And my interest has never stopped. Is it possible—and ethical—to continue to have a sex life with a loved one who has dementia? For couples who already have diminishing pleasure in life, automatically saying “no more sex” is unfair. First, individuals and couples vary widely in their desire to continue or stop having sexual relations. However it is viewed, stopping sex is one more loss in the midst of so many other losses. Second, there are vast differences in what couples consider “sex.” Third, there are vast differences in dementia, ranging from mild to severe, and this may be the most important decider for whether or not sex should continue after dementia. While research is slim, and more is surely needed to break the no-talk taboo, clinicians know that many couples affected by dementia continue to be intimate. But how they do this varies. Their sex life may still be what it was in their younger years, before dementia set in. Or it may be spooning in bed, or tender touching and hugging during the day before going to separate bedrooms. The bottom line is that there must be no exploitation, no forcing, no intimidation, no coercion, and no abuse. There must be some awareness—and acceptance—of what is going on. Neither person can feel entitled to sex just because he or she is married or simply has desire.

Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope while Coping with Stress and Grief

Health, Fitness & Dieting

Mental Health

Jossey-Bass

How do we begin to cope with loss that cannot be resolved? The COVID-19 pandemic has left many of us haunted by feelings of anxiety, despair, and even anger. In this book, pioneering therapist Pauline Boss identifies these vague feelings of distress as caused by ambiguous loss, losses that remain unclear and hard to pin down, and thus have no closure. Collectively the world is grieving as the pandemic continues to change our everyday lives. With a loss of trust in the world as a safe place, a loss of certainty about health care, education, employment, lingering anxieties plague many of us, even as parts of the world are opening back up again. Yet after so much loss, our search must be for a sense of meaning, and not something as elusive and impossible as "closure." This book provides many strategies for coping: encouraging us to increase our tolerance of ambiguity and acknowledging our resilience as we express a normal grief, and still look to the future with hope and possibility.

The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change

Da und doch so fern: Vom liebevollen Umgang mit Demenzkranken

Reference

Ruffer & Rub Sachbuchverlag

Cuando se nos muere un ser querido, lloramos su pérdida. Nos consolamos con los ritos que acompañan su desaparición y buscamos apoyo en los que nos rodean. Pero ¿qué ocurre cuando no hay un final, cuando tal vez un miembro de la familia o un amigo esté todavía vivo y, sin embargo, ya lo hemos perdido? Cómo una madre cuyo hijo ha desaparecido en combate, o los familiares de un enfermo de Alzheimer que se enfrentan a la duda entre la pérdida definitiva y un posible retorno a casa o a la lucidez. En este texto sensible y lleno de sabiduría, Pauline Boss explica que las personas que sufren pérdidas ambiguas oscilan entre la esperanza y la desesperación, emociones que pueden amortecer los sentimientos e impedir a las personas volver a ocuparse de sus vidas. La autora se basa en sus investigaciones y su experiencia clínica para sugerir estrategias para suavizar el dolor y ayudar a las familias a aceptarlo. En muchas historias de personas y familias que se enfrentaron a pérdidas ambiguas se muestra cómo consiguieron superar la tristeza paralizadora. Entre los casos se incluyen también los de pérdidas dolorosas a causa de divorcios, emigración y adopción. Con su mensaje de esperanza, este libro ofrece una buena orientación para terapeutas familiares y alivia con sus relatos a los que luchan por recuperar sus propias vidas. «Éste es un libro hermoso. Pauline Boss ilustra con viveza las múltiples formas en que se experimenta y vive el dolor intenso de la pérdida ambigua. Ella ha enriquecido profundamente nuestra comprensión de que las relaciones humanas pueden sufrir una prolongada situación de desgarramiento, a pesar de lo cual sigue siendo posible cicatrizarlas.» -Lyman C. Wynne, M. D., Ph. D., Profesor Emérito de Psiquiatría, Facultad de Medicina y Odontología, Universidad de Rochester.

La pérdida ambigua (Psicologia: Terapia familiar / Family Therapy) (Spanish Edition)

Psychology & Counseling

Gedisa

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Boss, Pauline. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

Books by Boss, Pauline

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Boss, Pauline. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work With Ambiguous Loss

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief

Loving Someone Who Has Dementia: How to Find Hope while Coping with Stress and Grief

The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change

Da und doch so fern: Vom liebevollen Umgang mit Demenzkranken

La pérdida ambigua (Psicologia: Terapia familiar / Family Therapy) (Spanish Edition)