WARNING: THIS BOOK IS GUARANTEED TO EMOTIONALLY FUCK UP YOUR KIDS Ah, children. They are obnoxious little question machines. And they won't shut up until you've given them a response. Dumb jerks. This book addresses all the cold, hard answers to all those stupid, stupid questions like: Does your poop smell bad? That means you're dying. How do little rocks turn into big ones? They eat people. Did you know you can breathe underwater? It's true. Your body doesn't like it at first, but you totally can. Did you know that holding babies makes you run faster? Try it and see! Wouldn't it be cool if you could go back in time and fight dinosaurs for control of the moon? No it wouldn't be. You'd totally die. So sit down and layer on the emotional scarring with this read-aloud picture book you WISH you could share with children. A hilarious read that is NOT SAFE FOR KIDS. "This is the best book of all time. Can you imagine if actual kids got a hold of it?" -Zane, age 8

Not Safe For Kids

Literature & Fiction

Shamel, Kevin

Literary

Spunk Goblin Press

<p>Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other than the well-renowned vampire, Dargoth Van Gloomfang. The citizenry of Broodsarrow sure has its share of faggy vampires, but old Dargoth has always been by far the faggiest of them all. That is, until a new vampire came to town. A younger, hippper vampire. One that emits such a grand amount of fagginess that one cannot help but be completely overwhelmed by his presence. Now Dargoth Van Gloomfang must figure out a way to out-shine this young newcomer if he wishes to ever reclaim his throne as . . . the faggiest vampire.</p>

The Faggiest Vampire

Mellick III, Carlton

Humor & Satire

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