It's Not About You: A Grandparent's Guide to Surviving Divorce in the Family

Your heart breaks for your grandchildren.In the voice of a true survivor, Jolyn Rudelson, grandmother, widow and cancer survivor tells how she coped with her feelings of helplessness when her son announced his intention to divorce. Grandparent to grandparent, in warm practical terms, Rudelson guides you through surviving a family divorce from the first day of the announcement. She tells you how to: * use the Ten Rules she has learned for making it through tough times * "Help without Harming" - the key to surviving the family divorce * understand the legal language of divorce and selecting an attorney to help you * soothe your feelings of rage and loss * manage gracefully amidst battling sides and issues of loyalty * reinvent your relationship with your former-in-law * relieve some of the burden your grandchildren will carry * help in the special ways only grandparents can * using the "Divorced Family Pledge" to work together to achieve a successful divorce. "At last there is a book for grandparents. In emotionally intelligent and well-researched prose, Jolyn Rudelson takes fellow grandparents by the hand on the journey that will be their child's divorce. In this book the concerned grandparent will learn how divorce happens in the early twenty-first century, how to help, how to stay out of the way when necessary, and where to go for support for their own grief and anger (hint: it's not to the divorcing child). Well-written, timely and filling a gap in the literature, Rudelson's book should join the ranks of well-known self-help books for families - all members of families -who are affected by the losses of divorce." ELIZABETH MARQUARDT - author of BETWEEN TWO WORLDS: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce and Director of the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values. "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU is an invaluable work. With a voice of strength, knowledge and experience, Jolyn Rudelson offers her readers a path to wisdom. In short, this book is required reading for every grandparent who seeks to support his or her children and grandchildren through divorce."-RABBI NAOMI LEVY- author of HOPE WILL FIND YOU and TO BEGIN AGAIN