Simplicity Parenting: Using the Power of Less to Raise Happy, Secure Children (Hawthorn Press Early Years)

Review\nI have often wondered if as a nation we treat our dogs somewhat better than we treat our children. Everyone knows that dogs need regular exercise, time to run and play freely outside. The same is true for children. Yet when walking in my neighborhood wood or on the local moor, passersby are nearly always accompanied by dogs, rarely children. This phenomenon is a small but significant example of a much wider issue. Our social structures and cultural norms not only do little to encourage opportunities for outdoor play, they provide little or no protection for what ought to be totally sacred: childhood itself.
Kim John Payne argues in his book Simplicity Parenting that the wealthy industrialized West is an increasingly hostile place for children and young people, albeit in far subtler ways than in other parts of the world. The effects are not necessarily subtle. If you are familiar with educational debates you have probably heard a great deal in recent years about anxiety, stress levels, attention deficits, challenging behavior, depression and even self-harming in young people. Payne expresses the underlying problem in a particularly striking way: many children in the United States and United Kingdom are suffering from a form of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Not as a result of a single traumatic event, but a gradual buildup of stresses and strains as they are rushed through every aspect of learning and development, with no time to simply be, to rest, to process or to experience in their own natural ways. Education is entirely adult-driven, co-opted by commercial and political interests, and parents are literally buying into an approach to learning that is wholly dictated by people whose expertise lies in cultivating financial profits, not well-rounded human beings.
Building on his work with children in Asian refugee camps, Payne describes how youngsters are showing signs of a “cumulative stress reaction” to immersion in the “media-rich, multitasking, complex, information overloaded, time pressured” existence we now call normal daily life. This is manifesting in all varieties of health problems. We have all experienced how periods of high tension can dramatically alter our physical or mental state. It can also alter our personality, morphing us in mere seconds from our ordinary selves to our worst selves, with sudden outbursts of negative emotion or behavior. Thankfully these moments are usually short-lived and as we return to calm, we regain a sense of self control. Payne asserts that in children if even moderate levels of excitement or stimulation become a permanent feature of daily life, never counterbalanced by interludes of peacefulness, predictability and even boredom, stress can act as the catalyst, which turns what might have been only a quirk or tendency into one of the dreaded “disorders.”
Seen in this light, the solution becomes obvious. First and foremost, we must reduce the stress in the daily life and environment of our children. This can be done by a process of “simplification.” He describes this process in terms of four areas that can be dealt with in turn: the environment, rhythm, schedules and filtering out the adult world. As with any transformation the first work is inner work. He advises parents to attempt to recover their dreams, to reacquaint themselves with ideals of family life held dear before reality and its inevitable rush and clutter took over. This imaginative picture can be used as inspiration for change. From there, one can begin with what is do-able and capitalize on success in small steps to progress to the bigger, more important ones.
Modifying one’s physical environment is the most tangible and perhaps manageable step in the process of simplification. When it comes to stuff, the first order of business is quite simply to get rid of it. Or at least as much of it as possible. While acknowledging the pressures that are pushing them in exactly the opposite direction, Payne urges par