Love's Own Truths: Bonding and Balancing in Close Relationships

In the three short years since the publication in English of Love's Hidden Symmetry, Bert Hellinger has traveled light years toward an even greater understanding of the intricacies of relationship and resolution. Love's Own Truths represents another important milestone in the search. For readers, the book is a compass left at the side of the road. We can leave it there -- afraid that we may have to change course -- or we can pick it up to see where it directs us.

Hellinger describes Love's Own Truths as a fundamental statement of his approach. And for those who know him, clearly this was no small task. The approach -- practical, improbable, complex, and simple -- cannot be easily described. It must be "seen."

First, the verbatim transcripts of three powerful workshops allow access to the various ways in which fragments of the life force puzzle can break apart or come together over generations. Time and again, feelings of distress can be traced to disconnects in the family system and the deeply subconscious attempts of other parts of the system -- whether one or many family members -- to put things back in balance. Readers will discover many opportunities to unlock new perspectives in their own healing process as they stand alongside the workshop participants.

Second, explanations of the therapeutic linchpins that hold this approach together, even when all hell is breaking loose, help readers grasp what is happening, especially in the family constellations, when the healing movements are subtle or seemingly obscure. Pivotal are the discussions of the resumption and completion of previously interrupted movements by a young child toward the mother or father.

Third, Bert Hellinger describes in detail the "inner posture" that both gives meaning to and draws meaning from what he calls phenomenological psychotherapy. Given the chance, the congruence between the posture and the process gives power to the resolutions that are revealed so that they may be dependable and enduring.

The inclusion of several of Hellinger's teaching stories adds yet another dimension to the reading. We quickly realize that some points are made stronger when they are lifted out of the immediate context, which may be emotionally charged and distracting. A master storyteller, Hellinger's gentleness and humor come through very clearly. The closing interview -- or conversation between friends -- offers another opportunity to understand the work on a different level and to see the man behind it through a new lens. Here, after being the subject of so much debate, Hellinger has the chance to express his views in an open and intellectually generous forum.

At one point, in speaking about death, Hellinger says, " I respect and trust reality more than I trust our human illusions about it, and this may seem hard to some people. To me, it is humility and a very deep, basic trust in what actually is." Love's Own Truths: A compass to help guide us to "what actually is" across many dimensions -- because it's there that healing can begin.