Broadneck Baloney: THE BOOK

    Elvis Presley, Jr. came to Broadneck, between the Severn and Magothy Rivers in Maryland, in March of 2010 looking for his father. He hired me as advertising director for the publication he called the Broadneck Baloney—a print medium to make his purpose known. We published the first of our 36 issues in June of that year. Some locals said that they had spotted Elvis Sr. at Cape Ace, Fairwinds Marina, Whimsicality, and even at Noreen’s Boutique Spa. Those locals were all liars who gave false hope to a very good man. Elvis Jr. endured cruel joke after cruel joke about his father such as “What was Elvis’ last great hit? The bathroom floor.” And “What’s the difference between Elvis Sr. and a Broadneck intellectual? One day we might find a Broadneck intellectual.” One Cape jokester swore he met Elvis Sr. right here on Broadneck, and that the great singer presented him with new lyrics to “Return to Sender” with a new title: “Return to Vendor”: I bought a wiener from the vendor He put it on a bun But I had to take it back cuz The wiener wasn’t done Return to vendor Hot dog undone Not enough mustard Soggy bun How nasty! Such insensitive mockery! That is what Elvis Jr., as editor of the Baloney, lived with day in and day out. In June of 2015, just after the publication of what would be our final issue, Elvis Jr. disappeared. Some say he moved to Memphis to be near Graceland. Some say he moved to Hollywood. Others say he intended to go to both these places, but got no farther than Edgewater. In a way, I sort of dedicate this book to him, and all he has done in a literary vein for the caring people of Broadneck. We miss him. We want to see him again. And so let the search for Elvis Presley Jr. begin! Bob Johnson