Becoming the Kind Father: A Son's Journey

The male case against patriarchy - why it hurts men, and how they can change it.

The macho society that held John Wayne as a role model has created an emotional wasteland where 80 percent of men are unable to accurately express their feelings, and that same percentage feel estranged from their fathers. The stifled male, disconnected and out of touch, fills the void with apathy or anger, and the toll is staggering: short, unhealthy lives, ruined relationships, and damaged children. This destructive behavior repeats itself in the next generation as the sins of the father continue the cycle.

In Becoming the Kind Father, Calvin Sandborn aims to break that cycle. His intensely personal story is heart-searing and inspirational. Brought up to fear his father’s alcohol-fueled fury and hateful put-downs, the author buried his feelings and fine-tuned his own rage. His father’s early death and the collapse of the author’s marriage provided catalysts for change.

Interspersing clever literary references with painful childhood memories, intense self-examination, and astute observations, Sandborn provides well-researched psychological findings and self-help tips, including how to:

• Identify and share feelings
• Treat yourself as a kind father would
• Form trusting male friendships
• Break the anger habit
• Forgive the world and yourself

This guide offers helpful insight for the millions of men who want to become kinder human beings. A must-read for every woman who loves an angry or emotionally distant man.

Calvin Sandborn is a journalist, author, and environmental lawyer who currently supervises the University of Victoria Environmental Law Clinic. He is also a kind father and grandfather.