The Book of Big Excuses: Excuses for Every Occasion . . .

Hilariously entertaining, this book will teach you that: you're unlikely to get away with pretending to be dead; it's better to dump someone with no excuse at all than to tell them it's because they only like early Radiohead; sometimes, giving a genuine excuse is far more embarrassing than saying nothing; pretending to be an answering machine is never going to be convincing; and you should never attempt to eat your underpants under any circumstances.