Thousands of jokes and zingers to expand your repertoire and become a master of comedy! Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker's volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call "one-liners." Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant's collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for--and many you'd never dream of asking for.&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; <ul> <li>"My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo."</li> <li>"A dyslexic man walks into a bra."</li> <li>"The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You've got to be ready to leave at any time."</li> <li>"Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines!"</li> <li>"Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver."</li> <li>"Schizophrenia--together I can beat it."</li> <li>"Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: 'Narcotics, five letters.'"</li> </ul>

5,000 Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes and One-Liners: The Most Comprehensive Collection of Gut-Busting Humor Around!

Humor & Entertainment

Tucker, Grant

Humor

Skyhorse Publishing

Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the rise of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner.  In this book, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.  My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.  ---  A dyslexic man walks into a bra.  ---  An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  ---  A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'  ---  I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller.  ---  A neutron walks into a bar and says to the barman, 'How much for a pint?' To which the barman replies, 'For you, no charge.' ---  I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?'

5,000 Great One Liners

Literature & Fiction

British & Irish

Biteback Publishing

The Iron Lady's political career spanned five decades and her influence on world politics is undeniable. Margaret Thatcher is the most quoted British political leader since Winston Churchill and this unique collection of quotations are the most memorable. Some quotes are funny, many are inspirational, most are thoughtful—but they are all unforgettable. As well as Margaret Thatcher's own words, the book contains many quotes from her political allies and opponents, as well as from the foreign leaders to whom she invariably gave a good handbagging.
Iain Dale is a British writer, publisher, and broadcaster.

The Margaret Thatcher Book Of Quotations

Biographies & Memoirs

Dale, Iain

Historical

The sequel to 5,000 Great One-Liners  Praise for 5,000 Great One-Liners: "It'ss an admirable gift, being able to compress wit and wisdom into a trenchant sentence or so, and Grant Tucker has harvested the world's best - an Olympiad of linguistic play." Daily Mail If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.  My co-worker just announced he's getting married. I told him how happy my marriage has made me. But he's still going through with it anyway. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here." The cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know she meant my debit card? Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his food before it was cool. Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you've got it made.  After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

More One Liners, Jokes & Gags

Robson Press

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