Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood

Health, Fitness & Dieting

Pollack, William

Psychology & Counseling

Random House Audio |

Boys today are in crisis. On the surface, many boys may appear tough, confident, and cheerful, but underneath, many of them are sad, lonely, and confused. As the bestselling Reviving Ophelia took us into the worlds of girls, this groundbreaking book reveals the worlds of boys to show how society's mixed messages to boys put more of them at risk today than ever before. Boys' voices and experiences rise up from these pages as Dr. William Pollack of the Harvard Medical School draws on almost two decades of work with boys as well as on a recent study called "Listening to Boys' Voices" to present new findings about the true nature of boys and new insights into how to raise them to become happier, more confident, more successful men. "I get a little down," says Adam,"but I hide it very well. I'd say I wear a mask of some sort. Even when kids call me names or try to taunt me, I'd never show them how much it was crushing me inside. I'd keep it all in." Pollack reveals how many boys today are like Adam, whose confident exterior hides painful feelings of loneliness and isolation. Other boys are in trouble overtly--depressed, suicidal, doing less well at school than they could, having trouble with drugs or with friends. Real Boys shows why, and what to do about it. Pollack describes how outdated gender stereotypes push boys to conform to society's inhibiting Boy Code, even as boys are pressured to relate to girls in new ways. Boys conceal themselves behind a mask of independence, which not only prevents them from truly knowing themselves but makes it difficult for us to know them. Conventional expectations about masculinity still encourage people to treat boys like "little men," and to raise them through a toughening process. Illuminating the daily lives of boys of all ages, Real Boys lets us know what boys are really like, revealing new findings about the expressive nature of boys, how they are different from girls and how they are similar to them, and wh at they are thinking and feeling. Pollack addresses a wide range of topics--boys and their mothers, fathers, friends; boys in school, sports, and adolescence; how boys can develop more self-confidence, and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues they may have to confront--such as depression, love and sexuality, drugs and alcohol, divorce, violence. After you read this original and insightful book, you will see every boy you know in an entirely new way. Based on new research into the inner worlds and daily lives of boys today, Real Boys explores in depth the following: ¸ The loneliness of "normal" boys today--what we do to cause it, and what we can do to prevent it ¸ Low self-esteem--why more boys today are suffering from low self-esteem and what we can do about it ¸ The power of mothers and fathers--how to help boys become more confident, loving, and able to lead happier lives as men ¸ Adolescence as a "second chance"--how to use adolescence as a new opportunity to grow closer to a boy and to help him deal with such topics as smoking, drinking, and sex ¸ Getting boys to talk--the timed-silence syndrome and how to encourage boys to talk and share their feelings ¸ Overcoming depression--the hidden crisis of boyhood depression: how to spot it, and what to do about it ¸ Violence, alcohol, drugs, and much, much more

Random House]

A New Psychology Of Men

Inspired by feminist scholars who revolutionized our understanding of women's gender roles, the contributors to this pioneering book describe how men's proscribed roles are neither biological nor social givens but rather psychological and social constructions. For the first time in one volume, the leading voices in the study of male psychology authoritatively detail how men's roles are created and how men's attempts to live up to these unhealthy and unrealistic models of masculinity warp men and society.Questioning the traditional norms of the male role (such as the emphasis on aggression, competition, status, and emotional stoicism), they show how some male problems (such as violence, homophobia, devaluation of women, detached fathering, and neglect of health needs) are unfortunate by-products of the current process by which males are socialized. By synthesizing the latest research, clinical experience, and major theoretical perspectives on men and by figuring in cultural, class, and sexual orientation differences, the authors brilliantly illuminate the many variations of male behavior. This book will be a valuable resource not just for students of gender psychology in any discipline but also for clinicians and researchers who need to account for the relationship between men's behavior and the contradictory and inconsistent gender roles imposed on men.This new understanding of men's psychology is sure to enhance the work of clinical professionals—including psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, counselors, and psychiatric nurses—in helping men reconstruct a sense of masculinity along healthier and more socially just lines.

Levant, Ronald

Basic Books

"In my travels throughout this country, I have discovered a glaring truth: America's boys are absolutely desperate to talk about their lives," says Dr. William Pollack, author of the bestseller Real Boys. Now, in Real Boys' Voices, Pollack lets us hear what boys today are saying, even as he explores ways to get them to talk more openly with us. "Boys long to talk about the things that are hurting them—their harassment from other boys, their troubled relationships with their fathers, their embarrassment around girls and confusion about sex, their disconnection from and love for their parents, the violence that haunts them at school and on the street, their constant fear that they might not be as masculine as other boys." In Real Boys' Voices we hear, verbatim, what boys from big cities and small towns, including Littleton, Colorado, have to say about violence, drugs, sports, school, parents, love, anger, body image, becoming a man, and much, much more. Real Boys' Voices takes us into the daily worlds of boys not only to show how society's outdated expectations force them to mask many of their true emotions, but also to let us hear how boys themselves describe their isolation, depression, longing, love, and hope. How can you get behind the mask of masculinity many boys wear? How can you tell whether a "bad boy" is actually a "sad boy"—and how do you spot the danger signals of depression? How can you grow closer to the boy you love? Pollack explores how to create safe spaces and engage in "action talk," how to listen so a boy will speak the truth about, and be, himself. In the real boys' voices here, boys speak eloquently and truthfully about such topics as shame, bullying and teasing, the pressure to fit in, addictions, how they see the lives of the men they know, the importance of their mothers and fathers, their own spiritual and creative experiences, friendships with other boys and with girls, being gay, and coping with divorce and other losses, including the death of a friend or parent. We also hear what boys from Columbine High School and other places say about fear and violence in their lives. Full of insights from and about young and adolescent boys, William Pollack's Real Boys' Voices is an important, illuminating, and invaluable book, for boys themselves and for all the people in their lives. From Real Boys' Voices " Boys are supposed to shut up and take it, to keep it all in." —Scotty, from a small town in New England " What I hate about this school is that I am being picked on in the halls and just about everywhere else." —Cody, from a suburb in New England " Sometimes people say there are two me's, like I have a dual personality. . . . The public persona is not really who I am. It's a tool . . . to be who everyone wants me to be." —Raphael, from a city in the West " If you see [abuse] coming, just walk out of the room or walk out of the house or go somewhere, go to a friend's house, go for a walk, take your dog for a run, whatever. Just try to get away from that situation before it actually explodes." —Paul, from a suburb in the West " Maybe a couple of times I used to bully some kids. I haven't bullied anyone since the shooting. I try to be nicer to people even if I don't like them." —John, from Littleton, Colorado

Real Boys' Voices

Shuster, Todd

Real Boys

Politics & Social Sciences

Social Sciences

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