Years of covering the antics of End Times cults for The Banner, a religious news magazine, have left Christine Temetri not only jaded but seriously questioning her career choice. That is, until she meets Mercury, an anti-establishment angel who's frittering his time away whipping up batches of Rice Krispy Treats and perfecting his ping-pong backhand instead of doing his job: helping to orchestrate Armageddon. With the end near and angels and demons debating the finer political points of the Apocalypse, Christine and Mercury accidentally foil an attempt to assassinate one Karl Grissom, a thirty-seven-year-old film school dropout about to make his big break as the Antichrist. Now, to save the world, she must negotiate the byzantine bureaucracies of Heaven and Hell and convince the apathetic Mercury to take a stand, all the while putting up with the obnoxious mouth-breathing Antichrist.

Mercury Falls

Literature & Fiction

Kroese, Robert

Humor & Satire

St. Culain Press

Los Angeles of 2039 is a baffling and bifurcated place. After the Collapse of 2028, a vast section of LA, the Disincorporated Zone, was disowned by the civil authorities, and became essentially a third world country within the borders of the city. Navigating the boundaries between DZ and LA proper is a tricky task, and there's no one better suited than eccentric private investigator Erasmus Keane. When a valuable genetically altered sheep mysteriously goes missing from Esper Corporation's labs, Keane is the one they call. 
But while the erratic Keane and his more grounded partner, Blake Fowler, are on the trail of the lost sheep, they land an even bigger case. Beautiful television star Priya Mistry suspects that someone is trying to kill her - and she wants Keane to find out who. When Priya vanishes and then reappears with no memory of having hired them, Keane and Fowler realize something very strange is going on. As they unravel the threads of the mystery, it soon becomes clear that the two cases are connected - and both point to a sinister conspiracy involving the most powerful people in the city. Saving Priya and the sheep will take all of Keane's wits and Fowler's skills, but in the end, they may discover that some secrets are better left hidden.
Kroese's The Big Sheep is perfect for fans of Philip Dick's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards!, and Scalzi's Old Man's War.

The Big Sheep: A Novel

United States

Thomas Dunne Books

The year is 2039, and Los Angeles is poised between order and chaos. After the Collapse of 2028, a vast section of LA, now known as the Disincorporated Zone, was disowned by the civil authorities and became a de facto third world country within the borders of the city.
Navigating the boundaries between DZ and LA proper is a tricky task, and there’s no one better suited than eccentric private investigator Erasmus Keane. So when movie mogul Selah Fiore decides she needs to get her hands on a rare coin lost somewhere in the city, she knows Keane is the man for the job.
But while the erratic Keane and his more sensible partner Blake Fowler struggle to unravel the mystery of the elusive coins, Blake’s girlfriend Gwen goes missing and Selah Fiore turns up murdered. Both of these crimes seem to be linked to the coins―and to an untraceable virtual currency called iotas, used by drug dealers and terrorist networks.
Framed for Selah’s murder and desperate to find Gwen, Keane and Fowler must outwit DZ warlords, outmaneuver a reclusive billionaire, and stay a step ahead of the police while they gradually uncover the truth about iotas. Soon the clues begin to point to a conspiracy at the highest levels of government―and to a mysterious trickster who has orchestrated it all. As the DZ devolves into chaos and another Collapse seems to loom, Blake Fowler realizes that the brilliant Erasmus Keane may have finally met his match.
Set in the world of The Big Sheep, Robert Kroese delivers another dystopian adventure novel full of wit and intrigue.

The Last Iota: A Novel

What happens to a kid who isn't quite good enough with the force to be a Jedi? What is it like to live in the worst city in the United States? If we aren't allowed to test shampoo on monkeys, how will we ever know if our monkeys are clean? The answers to these and other questions can be found in The Force is Middling in this One, a raucous romp through the mind of author, software developer and gopher exterminator Robert Kroese. Laboriously compiled from three years of blog posts from MattressPolice.com, this collection covers topics as varied as the Incredible Hulk, perpetual motion machines and Satanism, and is sure to keep you running back to the bathroom for more. In fact, we've even included (on page 187*) a laminated card that reads: PLEASE EXCUSE MY FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE BATHROOM AS I HAVE A SEVERE BOWEL AND/OR URINARY TRACT CONDITION. This will allow you to read in peace without having to face embarrassing questions from your family and friends. *If your card is missing, please check all of the other pages. If you still don't find it, address the proprietor of the book shop sternly as follows: "SIR OR MADAM: I AM SHOCKED TO FIND THAT THIS BOOK CONTAINS NO CARD INDICATING THAT I HAVE A SEVERE BOWEL AND/OR URINARY TRACT CONDITION. WHAT, SIR OR MADAM, ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL, EXACTLY?" If you are still unable to get satisfaction, please purchase a copy of the author's critically acclaimed, bestselling novel Mercury Falls. The card is on page 119. WE PROMISE.

The Force is Middling in this One: And Other Ruminations from the Outskirts of the Empire

Humor & Entertainment

Humor

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Mercury Rests

Mercury Rests (Mercury, 3)

BRILLIANCE AUDIO ^

After foiling an attempt to destroy the universe, Mercury has gone missing. And with the devil already putting the final fiendish touches on his next scheme to bring about the apocalypse, all that stands between Lucifer and his dreams of a hellfire holocaust are two misfit humans: jaded religion reporter Christine Temetri and mild-mannered forensic analyst Jacob Slater. The pair soon realize that the Prince of Darkness has set his sights higher than they can reach; he’s planning to bring his battle for domination straight to the pearly gates. They’ll need the wisecracking, Ping-Pong-loving, apathetic angel Mercury to help save the day, the world, and Heaven before the clock ticks down to the End Times…if they can find him. By turns epic and explosive, Mercury Rests concludes the trilogy that Booklist describes as a “hilarious romp” that has “cult favorite written all over it.”

“My favorite read this year. A hilarious space adventure. Hard book to put down.” —Hugh Howey, author of Wool A space-faring ne’er-do-well with more bravado than brains, Rex Nihilo plies the known universe in a tireless quest for his own personal gain. But when he fleeces a wealthy weapons dealer in a high-stakes poker game, he ends up winning a worthless planet…and owing an outstanding debt more vast than space itself!
The only way for Rex to escape a lifetime of torture on the prison world Gulagatraz is to score a big payday by pulling off his biggest scam. But getting mixed up in the struggle between the tyrannical Malarchian Empire and the plucky rebels of the Revolting Front—and trying to double-cross them both—may be his biggest mistake. Luckily for Rex, his frustrated but faithful robot sidekick has the cyber-smarts to deal with buxom bounty hunters, pudgy princesses, overbearing overlords, and interstellar evangelists…while still keeping Rex’s martini glass filled.

Starship Grifters (A Rex Nihilo Adventure)

47North

Temptation Bangs Forever is a collection of over 200 of the most horrific and unintentionally hilarious church signs from over three years of submissions the the Crummy Church Signs blog. From the inexplicably hostile ("SATAN WILL RULE YOU ALL") to the cringe-inducing ("THE SIZE OF THE TOOL DOESN'T MATTER IN THE MASTER'S HAND"), these signs will have you shaking your head, gasping in horror, and laughing until you weep.

Temptation Bangs Forever: The Worst Church Signs You've Ever Seen

Turner, Matthew Paul

Appling, Matt

Andress, Brandon

Windley-Daoust, Susan

Hendricks, Kevin D.

Bezaire, Joel

Scholl, Lia

Keeley-Jonker, Bethany

Schrodinger's Gat is a quantum physics noir thriller. Paul Bayes has begun to feel like all of his actions are dictated by forces beyond his control. But when his suicide attempt is foiled by a mysterious young woman named Tali, Paul begins to wonder if the future is really as bleak as it seems. Tali possesses a strange power: the ability to predict tragedies and prevent them from happening. The possibility of breaking free from the grip of fate gives Paul hope. But when Tali disappears, Paul begins to realize that altering the future isn’t as easy as it seems: you can fight the future, but the future fights back. "Schrodinger's Gat has done for quantum mechanics what Eliyahu Goldratt's The Goal did for my understanding of Operations Management... [I]t takes the main character, and thus the reader, on a journey of discovery through a complex subject, in plain English. Well worth reading!" - Dr. Lucy Rogers, Director of Space Safety Research Limited and author of It's Only Rocket Science "Rob Kroese’s Schrödinger’s Gat is a science-mystery thrill ride. It’s got everything we look for in a Kroese novel: humor damped by melancholy and an unforgettable plot in a book that we don’t so much read as dive into and exchange banter with characters that are so familiar that it feels like we’ve known them for years. The story moves, the characters are witty, fun and real, and, rest assured, Kroese got the science right." -Ransom Stephens, Ph.D., physicist and author of The Sensory Deception "A wild mashup of physics, philosophy and catastrophe served up, Kroese style!" - Greg Smith, author of Legacy of the Dragon "Most of what I know of quantum physics I learned by getting high and watching NOVA so I may not be the target audience for this book, but I never felt overwhelmed by the science or bogged down in it. Kroese's writing is whip smart and funnier than hell. I loved it." -S.G. Redling, author of Damocles

Schrodinger's Gat

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Science Fiction

Disenchanted (Land of Dis)

Robert Kroese’s Disenchanted comes fully loaded with the wit and charm of The Princess Bride and a sense of humor all its own. This clever take on the traditional fantasy includes footnotes that keep the narrator honest, a cast of characters that resembles something out of the Island of Misfit Toys, and a fantastic setting filled with words and names that test pronunciation skills. Being assassinated doesn't have many upsides, so when King Boric is felled by a traitor, the king comforts himself with the knowledge that, like all great warriors, he will spend eternity carousing in the Hall of Avandoor. There's just one problem: to claim his heavenly reward, Boric must release the enchanted sword of Brakslaagt. Now, to avoid being cursed to walk the land of Dis forever as an undead wraith, he must hunt down the mysterious Lord Brand who gave him the sword twenty years ago. So begins Boric's extraordinary journey across the Six Kingdoms of Dis, a walking corpse who wants nothing more than to be disenchanted and left in peace. Along the way he's advised by the Witch of Twyllic, mocked by the threfelings of New Threfelton, burned, shot at, and nearly blown to bits. But nothing can prepare him for coming face-to-face with Lord Brand. For in that moment, Boric discovers that nothing—in life, in death, or in between—is exactly what it seems.Episode ListThis book was initially released in episodes as a Kindle Serial. All episodes are now available for immediate download as a complete book. Learn more about Kindle Serials

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Kroese, Robert. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

Books by Kroese, Robert

See the best price to sell, buy, or rent books by Kroese, Robert. BookScouter helps to compare book prices from 25+ online bookstores and 30+ buyback vendors with a single search.

Mercury Falls

The Big Sheep: A Novel

The Last Iota: A Novel

The Force is Middling in this One: And Other Ruminations from the Outskirts of the Empire

Mercury Rests (Mercury, 3)

Mercury Rests (Mercury, 3)

Starship Grifters (A Rex Nihilo Adventure)

Temptation Bangs Forever: The Worst Church Signs You've Ever Seen

Schrodinger's Gat

Disenchanted (Land of Dis)