Here is the third installment in a series of reference books, all written by Dr. and Mr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, a team of highly energized and deeply focused scientists with over sixty-seven combined years of experience at their command, including six months spent lifting awkwardly-sized boxes. Animals of the Ocean advances many heretofore unexplored discoveries and opinions, including squid dating dos and don'ts, why squid are not at all able to watch television in black and white, the ways in which people who don't know any better might think fish are not animals, the long-term effects of salt water on musical theater, and also the adventure of Gunther. Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid comes with a foil-stamped and leather-inspired cover. Its pages are full color and illustrated without reserve. This book does not contain a warning label, but if it did, it would advise readers to enjoy its pages only in small and furtive doses, such as while waiting your turn at tetherball.

Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid

Humor & Entertainment

Haggis-on-Whey, Dr. Doris

Haggis-on-Whey, Benny

Humor

McSweeney's

For many years the scientific and educational communities have wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar-pretenders would find the means to publish a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their ways into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who have eaten too many lead-based paint chips. Giraffes? Giraffes! is the first in a proposed series of 377 reference books, all written by a couple now getting their chance to twist and tickle the brains of the impressionable. The book puts forth the following novel theories: that giraffes were not part of any evolutionary chain, but came here from Neptune, by way of very long (but convenient and fast) escalators; that giraffes are expert dancers, but become angry if asked about their dancing; that giraffes control over 90 percent of what we see in mirrors; and that the Giraffe navy is as strong as ever, contrary to recent claims in the popular press.

Giraffes? Giraffes!

Children's Books

Animals

The fifth volume in the ludicrously misinformative HOW Series. For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who should at all costs be denied access to pens and pencils. Sadly, with the publication of this, the fifth volume in a proposed series of 377 reference books, that day has come. Children and the Tundra is actually two books in one, as Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, due to space constraints, is forced to explain both the concept of childrena species she doesn’t trust for a secondand the tundra, in one book. She is, as always, joined in her crusade of lies by her husband, Benny, who is mostly useless.

Children and the Tundra

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Books by Haggis-on-Whey, Benny