"When I am an Old Coot, I will wear funny hats and loud ties, flowered underwear and bright yellow suspenders. I will break all the silly, proper rules and be a kid again." So begins a mischievous look at growing older and making the most of it. With an irreverent perspective, this absolutely hilarious book contains witticisms like these: When I am an Old Coot: "I will call 'A Current Affair' and ask them how I can order one." "I will dawdle by the cleaning lady, pretend to stumble and grab her buttocks firmly."

When I Am An Old Coot

Humor & Entertainment

English, Roy

Humor

Gibbs-Smith

Whether you're a rural homesteader or an urban dweller, Grandpa's good ol' country wisdom offers all the true advice, observations, and witticisms you'll ever need. For everyone weary of city-slickered self-help, Roy English serves up over 140 country bites of reality such as these: "Don't go huntin' with a fella named Chug-A-Lug." "Life is like juggling pitchforks; everyone knows when you mess up." "Trouble is a private thing; don't lend it, and don't borrow it."

Don't Whiz On A 'lectric Fence: Grandpa's Country Wisdom

Whether you're a rural homesteader or an urban dweller, Grandpa's good ol' country wisdom offers all the true advice, observations, and witticisms you'll ever need. For everyone weary of city-slickered self-help, Roy English serves up over 140 country bites of reality such as these: "Don't go huntin' with a fella named Chug-A-Lug." "Life is like juggling pitchforks; everyone knows when you mess up." "Trouble is a private thing; don't lend it, and don't borrow it."

Don't Whiz on a 'Lectric Fence Prepack: Grandpa's Country Wisdom

Gibbs Smith Publishers

Need a few grains of western wisdom? A little rapid-fire advice about bringing out the best in yourself and others? In quick bursts of wit, Roy English provides sudden doses of daily inspiration. -A fella who is wishy on one side is likely washy on the other -You can tell a lot about a man by what he doesn't have. -Wisdom is mostly learning how to pace yourself. -Man should live below his means and above his values. Little messages with large meaning. Share them with friends and family; take them to heart.

Chicken Fried Steak for the Soul: For man does not live by Biscuits alone

Gibbs-Smith Publisher

OUTHOUSE READER THE OUTHOUSE READER IS THE PERFECT COMPANION for everyone who makes a pit stop at the little wood shack out back! Just don't get caught with your pants down! FROM SOULFUL LIFE WISDOM: "Oh, what tangled webs we weave when first we practice to believe." "Most things get better. In fact, most things get better by the next morning." "A true friend, if he can't get you out of jail, will get in there with you." TO DROP-AND-RUN HUMOR: "It's easy to win at Solitaire, just shoot all the witnesses." "A cow that won't give milk is called a hamburger." Gibbs Smith has sold more than 700,000 combined copies of Bender and English titles. June is National Bathroom Reading Month. Uncle John's Bathroom Reader has sold more than 7 million copies! Online marketing and promotions. Print and web advertising campaign. National broadcast and print publicity. Co-op available. Texas Bix Bender is the author of Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On!, Never Ask a Man the Size of His Spread, and a dozen other books of humor. His books have sold more than 500,000 copies. He lives in Nashville, Tennessee. Roy English is a former Texas lawmaker and judge. He is the author of Chicken Fried Steak for the Soul, Don't Whiz on a 'Lectric Fence, and When I'm an Old Coot. He lives and maintains homes in Texas, Tennessee, and Mexico.

Outhouse Reader, The

Bender, Texas Bix

Henry Ward Beecher said “the common sense of one century is the common sense of the next.” That said, these pocket-sized humor books pack quite a bit of punch―lines that is. With more than 1.5 million copies in print, their all-new look will leave a whole new generation in stitches!

Chicken Fried Steak for the Soul - new (Western Humor)

Henry Ward Beecher said “the common sense of one century is the common sense of the next.” That said, these pocket-sized humor books pack quite a bit of punch―lines that is. With more than 1.5 million copies in print, their all-new look will leave a whole new generation in stitches!

Don't Whiz on an Electric Fence - new: Grandpa's Country Wisdom (Western Humor)

When I Am an Old Coot - new: Witticisms for People Who Refuse to Grow Old Gracefully (Western Humor)

Parenting & Relationships

Dishing out witty one-liners and old-fashioned country logic, Roy English’s Advice from a Country Farmer is simply this―no-nonsense humor and wisdom from a country gentleman schooled in common sense and kindness. • “Most farmers work only half a day; the other twelve hours they do other stuff.” • “When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.” • “Don’t skinny dip with snapping turtles.” Roy English is a farmer/rancher, judge, singer/songwriter, and novelist/screenwriter. He is the author of Don’t Whiz on an Electric Fence, When I Am An Old Coot, Chicken Fried Steak for the Soul, and coauthor of The Outhouse Reader. He lives in Mansfield, Texas.

Advice From a Country Farmer

Judge Roy English has probably seen or heard it all in his courtroom. And now that he is retired and getting a little older, his country wisdom appeals to all who’ve had a few “senior moments” or who refuse to just sit back and grow old gracefully. Hard-won and universal wisdom from the ranch for those folks gittin’ up in years. Gems include: 
<ul>
<li>“Don’t spread your blanket where a cat’s been diggin’.” </li> <li>“It don’t take a very big man to carry a grudge.” </li> <li>“Every path has some puddles.” </li> <li>“When I am an old coot I will go to the Dairy Queen and dip my dentures in the hot fudge when the waitress isn’t looking.” </li> </ul>
Roy English is the author of several Western humor titles. In his former lives, he was a state legislator and a court judge. He lives in Texas.

Cowfolk's Guide to Getting Older (Western Humor)

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Books by English, Roy