<p>A bloke runs in the house and shouts upstairs to his wife, “Pack a couple of suitcases I’ve just won the lottery!” His wife shouts down, “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?” And her husband shouts back, “I couldn’t give a fuck what you pack just get out.”\nA little old lady wanted to go to the pet cemetery to bury her cat and got on the bus and whispered to the driver, “I’ve got a dead pussy.” The driver turned around and pointed to a woman sat at the back of the bus and said, “Go and sit next to my wife, she’s got one as well.”\nA man and his wife were out walking and they came across a wishing well so the husband leaned over it, threw a penny in and made a wish. His wife then leaned over it and threw a penny in and made a wish but she leaned over the well too far and fell in it and drowned and her husband said, “Fuck me, it works!”\nMirrors can't talk - luckily for my wife they can't laugh either.\nA woman went to the doctors to get her husband’s blood test results and the receptionist said to her, “We’ll need a stool sample, a urine sample and a sample of your husband’s semen.” So the woman said, “I’ll drop a pair of his underpants off tomorrow.”\nMy husband said to me, “Why do you enjoy sex so much on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights?” I said, "Because you work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights.”\nMy husband said to me, "What would you most like to do with my body?" So I said, "Identify It."\nMen are like snow storms: You never know when they're coming, how many inches you're going to get, or how long they're going to last.\nThey say marriage is made in heaven, but then again so is thunder and lightning, and no doubt if you were to ask those that came up with the jokes in this book they’d probably tell you that their marriage was made in hell! Split into two parts - Husband - Wife / Wife - Husband - this book contains the best jokes there are about marriage. Some are old, some are new, some are re-written and some are blue - and some are fairly rude, slightly offensive, and not very P.C. And if you’re married - or divorced - you’ll resonate with them. And if you’re THINKING of getting married you may well think again by the time you’ve finished the book!\nBought as a wedding gift for Prince Harry and Meghan by one of their guests (details at the back of the book), apart from it guaranteeing to make anyone who's married roll around the living room floor in fits of laughter it'll also make the ideal wedding present for anyone who's about to get married themselves. After all, if it's good enough for a present for a royal marriage then it's good enough for any marriage!</p>

The Best Husband And Wife Joke Book Ever!

Humor & Entertainment

Books, Nick Fisher

Humor

You're Avin A Laugh

Hardmen Gangsters Jokers and Pranksters: EVERY TOWN'S GOT 'EM (And Stockport was at the front of the queue when they were handing them out)

Fisher, Nick

You're Avin A Laugh / NJF Books

Goldilocks And The Three Bare Arses: A (naughty) Storybook For Grown Ups

Biographies & Memoirs

Community & Culture

NJF Books

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Books by Books, Nick Fisher