Getting the Sex You Want: A Woman's Guide to Becoming Proud, Passionate and Pleased in Bed

“Sex comes with a big shiny bow wrapped around it: a present that promises the ultimate physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual fulfillment, but once the box is open, everything’s in pieces and there are no instructions.”
—From the Introduction

Why are so many women so unhappy with their sex lives? How can they kindle—or rekindle—their interest in sex and get the satisfaction they deserve? After a quarter of a century of research, writing, teaching, and counseling men, women, and couples, psychologist and sex therapist Sandra Leiblum, Ph.D., and sex educator Judith Sachs know that sex is a conundrum for most women.

At various stages in their lives, women find themselves in a gulf between fantasy and reality. They may want pleasure but have no idea how to go about getting it. They may be uncomfortable with their bodies, too tired at the end of the second shift, bored with the same-old same-old, but ambivalent about sexual risk-taking. Still others have simply (or not so simply) lost interest. All the technique in the world won’t help if you don’t want sex in the first place. With this book, patience, and practice, you can look forward to a sexual revival—and the comfort of knowing you’re unique but not alone.

Whatever stage you’re at, Getting the Sex You Want will help you understand the cycles of interest and apathy over your lifetime and discover—or rediscover—the joys of your sexuality. Leiblum and Sachs have synthesized the latest research into women’s sexuality and desire with encouraging results. As warmly intimate as it is savvy, this clear, accessible, inviting guide includes the voices of dozens of women representing a vast array of experiences and opinions about sex. There’s a wealth of information and inspiration to help you reach your sexual potential, and good reasons why the effort is worth it.

Part I examines women’s life cycles to map their journeys from one erotic destination to the next, from the blossoming of sexual interest in childhood and adolescence, through the reproductive years, to the fire-and-ice changes that go on throughout midlife and on into “highlife,” or older age. Part II is a tasting menu of new and different possibilities: cybersex, hormone treatment and medication, cosmetic and reproductive surgery, mind-body practices, therapy, and more that will help you take control to want the sex you get—and get the sex you want.