The Seven Characters of Abuse: Domestic Violence: Where It Starts & Where It Can End ?

“You’re fat! You’re stupid! You’re ugly! You cannot do anything right! Where are you going to go? You don’t have any skills! You are WORTHLESS!!! You are a fat pig, you are disgusting, you are a fat slob, and I want you out of my %*&$ing house! Let me tell you how serious I am. I have a gun in my hand right now…get the %*&$ out of here.” Th is is what the famous football player said to Tanya’s sister, Nicole. Th is is how it started. You know how it ended — in a courtyard in Brentwood. “Silence killed my sister,” Tanya has said repeatedly. Th is book is not about physical violence. It is about the lesser understood type of violence: Emotional Abuse. All of the smaller acts of emotional violence that happened before that fateful day in Brentwood — that happen to millions of people on a daily basis. Emotional abuse is the most hidden kind of domestic abuse. It is not as easily seen and, in fact, can be extremely subtle. It is often confusing, minimized, or ignored, but its effects are real, deep, and long-lasting. Bruises from physical abuse are black and blue while bruises from emotional abuse are hidden and internal. If the Abuse Isn’t Physical, Then What is It? It is power and control. • The abuser hits with criticism and verbal put downs. • He strikes with shame and humiliation. • He threatens to increase fear and decrease feelings of safety. • He knocks out self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect. • He smashes serenity and peace of mind. • He takes away spontaneity, making others walk on eggshells around him. • He abolishes support systems and leaves the victim lonely and depressed. His goal is to intimidate, isolate, confuse, and control. During this beginning phase of domestic violence, tension and stress build up. To some extent, it is suppressed and eventually will explode. During this phase, the abuser may pick fights (not physical acts), act jealous and possessive, criticize, threaten, and be moody or unpredictable. Through all of our experience and research, we have identified The Seven Characters of Abuse that precede physical violence — seven ways this emotional abuse can be expressed. Each of the Seven Characters can exist independently. For instance, a man can engage in cyber stalking and never hit you, or he could take your money without ever lifting a violent finger in your direction. Whether a man practices one of these seven behaviors as an independent act or engages in several of them as he escalates to physical violence doesn’t matter. Each of the seven are behaviors that you do not have to accept. Because these kinds of abuse often go unacknowledged, it’s important to take a good look at them — to become able to identify and recognize these Characters and then decide if you want them in your life. Ultimately, you could be saving your life with this decision. Everything begins somewhere and the Seven Characters are the beginning of the cycle of domestic violence. We believe it’s not only time for our society to admit that emotional abuse exists, is harmful, and affects generations, it’s imperative that we all become aware of where it starts and where it can end. It’s time to understand it and erase some of the myths and misunderstandings prevalent in our society about what abuse is and who it happens to. NOTE: By the way, since we believe that privacy is one of the most important aspects of maintaining anonymity and safety, we have protected people by changing the names in the examples. Domestic Violence: Where It Starts & Where It Can End ? - Emotional Robber, Pseudo Parent, Jealous Stalker, Mind Game Player, The Isolator, Silent Knight, Money Monger.