<p>PUT YOUR HEAD BETWEEN YOUR KNEES AND TAKE A FEW DEEP BREATHS..... Join the Two Loons as they continue to careen down the path of motherhood. In Cookies for Dinner, co-authors, Pam and Kae shared their experiences of early motherhood. If you thought that getting through the diaper wars and successfully engineering "the potty train" was wild, wait until you read how the Two Loons handle what comes next! Only in Panic Early, Panic Often will you learn what no other "How to be the Perfect Mother" books are willing to share, such as: • How to banish monsters with nothing but a handful of pocket link • How to gain security at Chuck E. Cheese • Unusual Uses for the average household ladder • How to accept your place in the family hierarchy • Why swimming lessons may not always be the best idea • How to graciously accept help from your three year old when going potty • Why you should never take your children to get your tires rotated • How to handle it when your child tells everyone you have gone to jail • How to keep your kids from telling the world you're an idiot • Why "family" and "vacation" are two words that should never be used together</p>

Panic Early, Panic Often: more true stories from two moms in their quest to survive motherhood

Humor & Entertainment

Johnson-Bennett, Pam

Allen, Kae

Humor

White River Press

<p>Mothers don't need another "how to" book on parenting. What they need is to know that they're not the only ones who stand on the supermarket checkout line and share potty training horror stories with total strangers. You can find plenty of books, relatives, and therapists who are happy to tell you how to become the "perfect" mother. Cookies for Dinner is the antidote to all that. Pam Johnson-Bennett and Kae Allen are two mothers who reveal their imperfections and embarrassments through hilarious true stories. They bravely (or insanely) tell about how one unexpectedly learns the poop capacity of the average car seat, what to wear on Chicken Pox Island and what it feels like to have your toddler lock you out of the house while you're wearing less-than flattering swimwear. There's also the fact that no one tells you that your breasts will be treated like a fast food take-out window or that a ravenous infant can create more suction than industrial-grade vacuum cleaners. And, let's not forget the appropriate technique for removing a crow that is found sitting on the diaper pail while you're changing your infant's diapers and how a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit can cause an otherwise rational woman to do strange things. Johnson-Bennett and Allen are good friends but total opposites in their parenting styles. Despite their differences though, these mothers have both ended up on the same roller coaster ride of diapers, tantrums, separation anxiety, misbehaving husbands, sleep deprivation and what the heck to name private body parts. Whether the reader is a young mother, experienced mom, mom-to-be, empty nester, grandparent, or still on the fence about becoming a mother, everyone can relate to Cookies for Dinner. It's the perfect gift for anyone who will be, is now, has been, or NEVER wants to be called... mom.</p>

Cookies for Dinner: The Tales of Two Moms in Their Quest to Survive Motherhood

Biographies & Memoirs

Professionals & Academics

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